Feeling more Cystic than Ferocious

First off, the Great Strides walk was, well, great! Our team raised over $600 in only about a month of fundraising and exceeded the goal of $500. It was my first experience as a team leader for the walk and I am so happy I know so many great people who wanted to participate. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Derby has not only given me a fun way to exercise, it's introduced me to a fantastic bunch of people I'm proud to know. (Tearing up a bit, hold on.... Ok.) Anyway, on to tonight's practice.

The next bout is on June 4, which means more scrimmages! Yeah! Well tonight I was really getting frustrated with myself the first couple of times I went out. I'm really trying to find my strengths and sometimes (like tonight) I feel like I just don't have any: I'm not fast enough to jam, I'm not dodgy enough to jam or really block quickly, and I'm not big enough to hit hard or block positionally by sheer size. So thinking along these lines tonight I was near tears.

Unless you break something, it's really not cool to burst out crying in roller derby! So I mentally slapped myself out of it and just decided to skate and try to make some hits--who cares if I bounce off?! At least I tried!

So I did make some contact. It wasn't spectacular and maybe nobody else even saw it, but I know I did it and that makes a difference to me.

I think my strength is going to be pure stubbornness. It's been cultivated all my life as a result of people expecting me to keel over and die. When you have a disease that's supposed to kill you before you're 18 you get a lot of that from doctors, nurses, teachers.

Thankfully my parents never treated me like I was about to die and fully encouraged and expected me to be a normal kid. (If they ever thought otherwise privately, they didn't tell me about it). So I guess I developed this "I'll show you" attitude. It's made me very contrary and stubborn. It's been a good thing and bad.

So I may not be an especially ferocious skater right now, but I can be ferociously stubborn. If roller derby were easy, everyone would do it. If it were easy, it wouldn't be as much fun. Sometimes it's really scary. But knowing you're scared to do something and doing it anyway--now that's Ferocious.

So THAT'S what helmets are for!

I had my first head injury! Dad, if you're reading this--I'm fine! Read on...

A few days ago, I had just been thinking that I must be getting better at skating because it had been months since I fell on my butt. In response, the universe had to show its sense of humor.

I was scrimmaging and trying to get in front of the jammer when my wheels locked with hers and my feet went right out from under me.

It was so quick I didn't even catch myself, just landed on my left butt cheek and even hit the back of my head on the floor. It turned out that my head didn't hit very hard, my backside took most of the impact. But I haven't hit my head like that before so I was a little stunned that it happened.

But the ever cautious (when it counts) coaches made sure I was ok, gave me some ice and escorted me to the bench in case I was wobbly. Thankfully I could still count to ten and was not speaking in tongues.

Frankly I was mostly mad that I fell down during that line because there were so many people at the practice that we all got just a few times each to go out and scrimmage. And I botched my turn! Damn!


So, boys and girls, this is why derby girls need helmets!

And I have proven what my parents and good friends already knew: I have a thick skull!

PS: Great Strides is MAY 21! Please donate, every little bit helps. If we get enough drops in the bucket we'll have a bucketfull in no time.